Mum loves baby fashion. She makes sure all the colours are nicely coordinated and she’s got my back if anyone tries to put me in anything that doesn’t go – like Dad, for example. She’ll just take all the clothes off and redress me again.
Dad’ll come back into the room and be like, ‘What are you doing? I just dressed her.’
And Mum’ll say, ‘She’s not wearing this.’
And Dad’ll say, ‘Don’t be crazy. She looks cute.’
And Mum’ll say ‘I’m not taking her out in this. We’ve got socialising to do.’
But then sometimes Mum goes over the top. She’ll sort of overdress us for the event. She’ll be there kitting us out in matching leopard print and Dad’ll be like,
‘Oh, are you going somewhere nice?’
But Dad and I both know that we’re probably just going to Aldi.
The other problem is Mum’s started copying all my outfits. She’ll see that I’m working something and think, ‘Oh maybe that’d look good on me too.’
Like she got me this super cute costume for my swimming lessons – a great polka dot one piece that made me look an absolute picture.
All the other mums were talking about it, like,
‘Oh my goodness!’
‘Where’s it from?’
‘How sweet!’ etc etc.
But then super awkwardly the very next week, Mum rocked up in a matching maternity one. I could have died.
Or God! Don’t even talk to me about the dungarees! I mean dinosaur print at 33. Pretty embarrassing, right? And everyone had to comment because it’s awkward to pretend you didn’t notice that Mum’s in the same outfit as her baby. So the mums were saying things like,
‘Oh they’re fun, aren’t they?’
Or ‘Cool dinosaur print!’
Or ‘Look at you guys, all matchy matchy.’
And all the while the other babies were just smirking at me and I was just wanting the ground to swallow us right up.