Author Archives

Tummy time

So I have to admit I reckon I’m pretty good at tummy time. I think it’s because I’m actually kind of sporty, for a baby. Sometimes these other babies will come round and I’ll be there working out – you know, arms and legs going like the clappers. If I’m not in my gym, I’ll…

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Walking, walking, walking

Walking. Everyone thinks I just love it. ‘Let’s take her for a walk,’ they’ll say, as if I’m some kind of dog. I’m there thinking, ‘You guys go if you like? I’m alright, thanks.’ And the things is Mum and Dad like different kinds of walk. Mum likes just pootling about the local shops but…

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Book club

Storytime – it’s kind of like a book club with a really bossy member who gets to choose ALL the books and do ALL the talking. So I just sit there, politely listening to all this chatting from Mum. ‘Those socks ARE funny, aren’t they?’ ‘The tractor has really big wheels, doesn’t it?’ And she’ll…

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Massage Mondays

Mondays mean baby massage. Mum has decided to pay someone to show her how to stroke my legs with cooking oil. It turns out it’s quite a fine art – there’s a manual and everything. The class always starts with that typical baby group thing where you go round the room saying what’s been special…

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Outings

Trips out are pretty dire. Firstly, my parents have got this kind of grotty old estate car so I never get to arrive anywhere in style; there’s all this faffing about with the car seat and the seatbelt. And then they’ve put one of those mirrors right up in my grill, so that rather than…

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